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If my car were orange

November 2007



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Nov. 10th, 2007

If my car were orange

sitting still


a lot of things are goin on.

i have been wonderin why everythin is comin down to the wire for people. i mean almost everyone. from my closest friends to families to my friends friends.

my be it has something to do with astrology like with that guy on tv. nostradamus?

to be honest here, i dont know what to write about on here.

5 min later. still sittin here.

Jun. 4th, 2007

If my car were orange



May. 26th, 2007

If my car were orange

How is it?

How is it that I am the only one to see the shit? That no one realizes what they are doing, even in the minute way.

Also I am waiting, one by one, just waiting... One has who's next?

I am smarter then what people think.

May. 4th, 2007

If my car were orange

Am I becoming Emo?


But I am down and out these days and I want to give a shout out to Maria. She has been there for me so much. And A shout out to Christy and Richie... they never seem to fail me. If you need anything go to them. They will listen and take care of you like they did me. All three of them would have saved my life (again for Richie) if I were alive today.

I think she still likes the other guy. In fact I think she goes to see him. I am meeting up with him this weekend. He wants to talk to me which doesn't sound to good. I both admire and hate this man with a pasion. I would protect him in my day, but I would have so loved to beat the shit out of him myself even though none of this shit is his fault.

I am done with taking shit from her and having her make me feel like shit. I am not what she says I am. She has to learn that I am not that man that she has formed me to be.

I wish I could talk to others but I am not going to get in between. Unless others communicate with me how they feel I am going to say away. Its time to put the past shit parents have done and said behind and move foward with our own beliefs. Richie has taught me this. And I think its one of the best ideas. He was able to get over things I don't think I could have ever gotten over. But he's right. The kid is right. Learn from him. What is the sense of killing yourself (in both the phycial and mediforal way) when your putting shit that you had no control over onto yourself. Why? Why do people have the right to portry you as being 'dirty, unclean, used, shit on the sidewalk" and make you feel like it? They don't. Or how you look. They don't have the right to do that, only if you let them.

And I can't do that anymore. Its tarring me apart.

I have done good things in my life too. Have you forgotten?
If someone told me, "How can you hang out this a failure like Richie?" I would punch the living shit out of them. Do you know how much more he has achived? More then you ever could. He is not a fake man. He hasn't changed himself, fallen into a state of darkness, he moved on. He saved people's lives. He loved a woman who left this world, and he then had some kind of courage to put his life to use even if he wasn't alive inside. He joined the army they only thing he knew wouldn't waste his life. He did it to see if he could save some families over seas and you. You can never turn around and fault this man.

As for Maria. You ever say anything about how she looks good or bad I will guage your eyes out. You have no right to look at her. YOU WILL TURN TO STONE!! She is amazing and no one gives her any credit (besides Christy and maybe other people) for what she does. She works so hard to be there for people and she then is left aside. You all are fucked up beings. You all are. Her hugs and heart can save lives and you don't even care. Wraped up in your own life. Thinking that hey everything is okay. NO ITS NOT!
Rob you do not dare use her. (I would insert more here but its not my place just yet...) Get over it and move the fuck on because you don't see whose lives you are hurting.
Kris fuck a blow up doll. It seems to have a more realistic picture of a person you would consider to fuck.
Anyone else, I am going to bash you in the face so hard your nose will come off.
(This would me much longer but I have already spoken about some issues.)

Christy. Oh girl you have been misguided, used, and thrown to the side. You weren't supose to know everything, its okay. I didn't and look what happened.
I wish I was there for you like I was for Richie. Maybe you wouldn't have lost yourself in those years. I know for a fact you right now would have never EVER been so shy. You a spark of light that people have been steping on telling you that you deserve to have that light extingushed, when it isn't true. You needed love girl. You needed someone to hug you. Just a hug. And I bet all the money I have ever gotten, that you wouldn't have had so many "boyfriends". You just wanted friends and so labels where mislabled. You are a VERY SMART individual. You did nothing with any of them. Nothing. Stop beating yourself up. Look at what I did. Look at what the world does. You didn't drink, smoke, cut yourself, fuck people, just to feel better. You went numb and unfocused everything, without intent. Just so you could get by. I have seen what those doctors did to you, I have seen what your mom has done (more then what you are thinking. Did you even notice she accually kept you home on purpose sometimes?) I have seen your drive. You have gotten so far. And you took up the same ideology and are letting things be.
Your real now. Maria, Rob, and those other people that have helped you.
Girl, I love ya too. Relax, you shouldn't have started working at 12. You were still just a kid.

Jackie. You won't listen so I am not talking.

Thanks Richie for quickly typing this for me.

May. 3rd, 2007

If my car were orange

People need to suck my dick and then take it up their ass

When did the world stop listening? When did everything go to even more shit? I knew people. I knew people who would sit, talk, and work things out. I knew people who where real, thinkable, and happy. This world today is slowly decaying. No one cares. They are stuck in their own minds and dicks to give a fucking shit.


Apr. 27th, 2007

If my car were orange

Shish Kabob

Someone owes me a Shish Kebob. 
But you see, there was some difficulty with acquiring this Shish Kebob, because it was a chicken Shish Kebob.
They only had Lamb.

Fuck you sheep, turn into CHICKEN!

(PS The spell check sucks. It says I spelt Shish wrong when it was really all about the K-A-bob)